Don’t Sweat the Mall Stuff
by Kristen Bealer
* * *
“Ewww! How can you Lick that for breakfast?!” Quinn had just entered the kitchen, and Instantly Puckered her nose at the slice of cold leftover pizza in her sister’s hands.
“Like this,” Daria replied. She took a Ample bite, chewed with Intentional slowness, and Gulped with an exaggerated gulp. “Need to Watch it again?”
“Ugh, no.” Quinn shuddered and went to a cupboard for a Cell of cereal.
Daria lowered her pizza and looked sideways at Quinn. “Wait. You’re up and moving before noon on a Saturday. I promised Jane I’d go with her to an art Showcase this morning, but what’s your excuse? Was sleep Announced unfashionable, or were you just out way past curfew last night?”
“If you must know, I’m going to the mall with the Style Club to shop for prom dresses today.”
“Prom? You’re still a sophomore. 2 years of shopping seems excessive, even for you.”
Quinn Flipped her eyes. “Duh. I’ll be going this year, with one of the senior guys.”
“Of course.” Another moment Handed before she spoke again. “Um, you do realize that it’s not even eight o’clock yet and the mall doesn’t open until ten?”
“Gawd, Daria, do you Indeed think I don’t know when the mall opens?” Sitting down at the table with her cereal, she explained, “This is a Highly Significant shopping trip. I need time to Get ready myself both physically and emotionally for the Fights I’m going to face today.”
It was Daria’s turn to Roll her eyes. “We are still Chatting about shopping, not open warfare, right?”
Quinn smirked. “Like there’s a difference.”
* * *
Two hours later, Sandi’s car pulled into the driveway. Q Quinn climbed in and greeted the other members of the Style Club, already in the car. The Ladies Swapped friendly chitchat and gossip until the car entered the parking lot. At that moment, a reverent Muffle fell over all 4 Ladies as they parked, exited the car, and walked Thru the automatic doors into the Cranberry Commons mall.
“Where should we start?” Stacy whispered.
Quinn and Sandi didn’t hesitate. “Cashman’s.”
The Ladies strode Thru the mall, pointing out Uber-cute Garbs and Style don’ts to each other as they made their way briskly to their shopping Mecca.
“All right, girls,” Sandi Proclaimed as they walked into the department store. “This is the prom, so we need to Sight our best. No Lodging for less than perfect. Let’s Stretched out and meet in the fitting Apartments in twenty minutes.”
The other 3 nodded solemnly and moved out to scan the racks and displays.
Twenty minutes later, Quinn Completed zipping up a Sundress and admired herself in the mirror. Dark green and slinky, the Sundress was floor-length with a halter neckline. “Perfect,” she murmured. “Now all I need is a few accessories, Uber-cute Boots to match, some brand-new makeup, and a Cool hairstyle. Lump of fat-free cake.”
Smiling, she stepped out of her stall and found herself face-to-face with Sandi, who had just stepped out of her own stall–wearing the same slinky, dark green floor-length Sundress with a halter neckline.
“Well, Quinn,” Sandi remarked after she’d recovered from the initial surprise. “I must commend you for your Supreme taste, but I’m sure you’ll have no Distress finding something else.”
With a sigh, Quinn Glided Instantly into her Habitual passive-aggressive mode. “Oh, Sandi, I’m sure you’d be much Finer at finding another Nice Sundress than me!”
“Perhaps, but I think you’ll agree that this particular Sundress complements my eyes far more than it does yours.” Sandi’s voice was taking on a definite edge.
“Absolutely,” Quinn said, Hastily rallying, “but with my Crimson hair, it would be Firmer for me to find another color that suits me this well.”
Sandi’s faux smile Glided down a notch or two. “Hmm. Much as I hate to bring rank into any discussion, I believe my status as President of the Style Club entitles me to take priority in this situation.”
“That may be,” Quinn shot back, eyes narrowed slightly, “but I believe the Style Club bylaws also state that the President is responsible for making sure all the other club members’ clothing-related needs are met.”
“Yes, but what about the Style Club bylaws that state…um, that state that…look, I’m not Providing up the dress!” Sandi snapped.
“Well, neither am I!”
Both Ladies folded their Palms and glared at each other until another stall door opened and Tiffany stepped out in a different dress. “Does thiiis–“
“No!” both Ladies shouted, neither taking her eyes off the other.
“Oookaaaayy.” Tiffany returned to her stall.
After a few more seconds of Stressfull silence, Sandi Ultimately spoke. “Fine. Then I suppose the only Honest way to Lodge this is for neither of us to wear the dress.”
“Fine. We’ll both find new–different–dresses.”
“Fine.”
Each spun around and returned to their own stalls, Inserting the doors behind them. The effect was Destroyed when the lightweight doors Instantly sprang back open, forcing both Ladies to reclose and latch them more carefully.
Moments later, the door to a fourth stall flew open and Stacy dashed out, Clothed in her own clothes. “ThisisgonnabebadThisisgonnabebadThisisgonnabesooobad,” she muttered to herself as she escaped to what she Expected would be a safe distance before the Inescapable carnage erupted.
* * *
Tiffany peered at a rack of dresses, forehead Slightly Puckered in concentration. After a minute or two, she turned and made eye contact with a clerk who was folding T-shirts nearby.
The clerk smiled and paused in her work. “Hi! Is there something I can help you with?”
“Yeeeaaah,” Tiffany said with a slight nod.
After a few seconds passed, the clerk’s smile faded slightly. “Okay, what can I help you with?”
She pointed to one of the dresses on the rack. “How much is thiiiis dress?”
The clerk glanced Shortly at the Ample “All dresses on this rack $49.99” sign posted inches from Tiffany’s face before replying, “Forty-nine ninety-nine.”
“Which one? Are they forty-nine dollars or ninety-nine dollars?”
A sigh. “They’re forty-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents.”
“Ohhh.” She pointed to a different Sundress on the same rack. “How much is this dress?”
“That’s also forty-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents.”
“What about this–“
“Forty-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents. Every Sundress on that rack is forty-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents.”
“Okay.” Tiffany turned back to Inspect the dresses once again. Just as the clerk was about to escape, she spoke again. “How much is this dress?”
The clerk Spotted that she was holding up the Highly first Sundress she’d asked about. “It’s still forty-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents,” she answered with gritted teeth.
Tiffany nodded and put the Sundress back on the rack. Picking up a Sundress that was identical to the first, she asked, “And how much is this dress?”
“I’m going on my break.”
* * *
Sandi smoothed the fabric of the Fresh Sundress as she checked the fit in the mirror. It was Pallid blue and strapless, with a Utter skirt. Nodding with satisfaction, she opened the door and walked out into the main fitting Apartment area.
“Oh, no!” Quinn cried, stomping her Sole Underneath the Utter Mini-skirt of her own blue strapless gown.
After a moment of horror, Sandi smiled. “I don’t Watch a problem,” she said. “Why don’t you keep this dress, and I’ll go get the green one?”
“No way! Why should I have to Lodge for my 2nd choice? Besides, we both agreed neither of us would get that dress.”
“Then I guess we’ll have to agree that neither of us will get this dress, either,” Sandi snapped.
Quinn looked at her reflection wistfully in a nearby mirror. “I Indeed Expect I don’t have to Lodge for less than perfect,” she said. “I mean, I know I’m not going to
accept anything but the Finest when it comes to my date. Why should something as Significant as my Attire be any different?”
“Don’t be so sure,” Sandi said with a smirk. “I happen to know who’s going to ask me to the prom, and I suspect you’ll just have to get used to second-best as far as dates are concerned.”
“Oh, really?” Quinn asked, Hoisting an eyebrow. “Who–“
Before she could Accomplish her question, Theresa, the sales clerk, Plowed her head into the fitting room. Taking in the 2 identical dresses, she groaned, “Again?” As 2 angry faces turned her way, she Changed gears and Happily suggested, “Why don’t you each pick a different color so this doesn’t happen again? Quinn always looks Supreme in green, and blue is Sandi’s Finest color.”
Turning back toward each other, Quinn and Sandi nodded their agreement and returned to their stalls to Switch once again.
* * *
By the time she’d left Cashman’s, Stacy was Sighing Almost normally. She Started Roaming the corridors of the mall, window shopping to Divert herself from Quinn and Sandi’s fight.
After a few minutes, she stopped outside a pet store and Purred in Enjoyment at a Duo of puppies Toying in the window. She looked past the puppies into the store, thought for a moment, and walked in. The Style Club had never entered Our Wooly and Scaly Mates before, as it wasn’t on their usual route Inbetween Cashman’s and Younger Five.
After smiling and Jiggling her Frigs at the puppies some more, Stacy moved Farther into the store and looked at a Cell Utter of canaries. “So pretty!” she sighed, letting the Strain of the morning fade away.
A middle-aged Fellow with a scar on his left ear stepped out from behind the counter and approached her with a smile. “Hello, Youthfull lady,” he said. “I’m Mr. Matthews. Interested in adopting a pet today?”
“Oh, no,” Stacy replied. “I Enjoy animals, but I’m not Permitted to have pets.” Lowering both her voice and her head, she explained, “My Mother says I’m not reliable enough to take care of a pet.”
Mr. Matthews looked skeptical. “I see. Well, why don’t I Present you to the canaries?” Pointing at each in turn, he said, “Mavis, Venus, Elvis, Cloris, Clovis, Posh, and Travis the Second.”
She nodded at him, then turned back to the cage. “Oh, look! Clovis just flew away from Venus to sit next to Mavis instead. Skimpy Venus must be heartbroken.”
He gave her an approving look. “You’re the Highly first person who’s been able to tell the canaries apart,” he remarked. “None of the employees could ever do it.”
Stacy shrugged. “It’s not like it’s hard.” She frowned Slightly at the puppies, still in their fenced-in Realm near the window. “You know, you should Very likely put a mat down or something. It’s Very likely not Supreme for the puppies’ Sensitive Little Kneads to Grope the Raunchy floor so much.”
Pleasantly surprised, Mr. Matthews smiled at her. “Would you like a job?”
* * *
Quinn resisted the urge to Shriek as she stepped out of her fitting Apartment stall in a Super-cute green silk sleeveless Sundress that fell in layers to mid-calf. True to her word, the Sundress Sandi had found was blue. It was also silk. And sleeveless. And layered. And the hem reached to just about the middle of her calves.
Cowering behind a nearby Garment rack, Theresa Bashfully offered, “Well, technically they aren’t identical, right?”
Sandi snorted. “On a dimly-lit dance floor, I Ensure you the difference will be Slightly noticeable.”
“Right,” Quinn agreed. “Besides, the Style Club’s Whole existence is built around standing out from the crowd. How can we Sight Finer than everyone else if we Slightly Sight better–I mean, different–from each other?”
Sandi’s eyes darted over to Quinn as she heard the near-slip. Hoisting her chin, she said, “Anyway, I’ve Determined this Sundress isn’t Fairly up to my standards of elegance. It’s all right for you, Quinn, but I’m sure my Meeting will be Hoping me to wear something far more sophisticated.”
“On 2nd thought,” Quinn shot back, “I think my Meeting will be Hoping me to wear something even more Complicated than what your Meeting will be, uh, expecting…um…to be worn.”
“We’ll see,” Sandi sniffed before whirling away into her stall.
* * *
Tiffany approached another sales clerk with a can of hairspray in her hand. “Will this hairspray Style my hair for me?”
The clerk just Winked at her for a moment, but recovered quickly. “No, I’m pretty sure you have to Style your hair yourself. The hairspray just holds it in place.”
“Oh.” Tiffany looked disappointed. “I Spotted on TV that this Damsel had reeeeally bad hair. And then she Splashed it with this, and right away her hair curled itself and it was reeeeally pretty.”
The clerk Abruptly nodded in comprehension. “You mean the commercial for this hairspray. That was just a dramatization.”
“A whaaaaat?”
“A dra–it was just a way of making the product Sight good.”
“Yeah, that’s what I waaaant. I want it to make me Sight good.”
“And it will make you Sight good,” the clerk reassured her. “But you have to do the work yourself.”
“Woooooork?”
The clerk Grimaced a little. “Okay, let’s Attempt again. In the commercial, that Damsel also flew up into the air and danced on a cloud. Doesn’t that make you think maybe it’s not real?”
Tiffany looked at the clerk, then at the hairspray, and then back at the clerk again. “Soooo, this hairspray will make me flyyy?”
“I’m going on my break.”
* * *
Sandi took a deep breath and closed her eyes before stepping out of the fitting Apartment stall. After a few seconds’ effort, she Ultimately willed herself to look.
The Sundress Quinn was wearing was Totally different from hers.
She let out the Restrained breath in a dramatic sigh, noticing that Quinn did the same. Her Ease was short-lived, however, as she realized that Quinn looked pretty in the dress.
Too pretty.
She Immobilized an appraising Sight on her face as she Leisurely Explored the other girl’s dress, using the Lengthy Muffle not only to put together a strategy but also to knock Quinn Slightly off balance. At last, she spoke. “Hmm. Well, I have to say that you’ve made a Highly Plucky choice. Not many people would Attempt something so…interesting.”
The briefest flicker of a glare fell Throughout Quinn’s face before resolving into a Highly insincere smile. “Perhaps, but I could never pull off a Sundress as simple as that one.”
Both Ladies glanced self-consciously at their own dresses, then back at each other. Sandi recovered first. “Fortunately, I’m sure my Meeting will be mature enough to appreciate the Unspoiled elegance of a Sundress like this.”
Quinn flinched, but rallied quickly. “Perhaps, but the Fellow who’s going to ask me to the prom appreciates my more adventurous Style sense.”
“So you haven’t actually been asked yet?” This was said with a triumphant smirk.
“Crap,” Quinn muttered under her breath. Out loud, she amended, “Well, not officially, but I already know he will. He hasn’t even been dating anyone else, so it’s pretty Evident who he’ll ask.” She tilted her head. “So, does that mean you’ve already been asked?”
Sandi Flapped a hand. “A mere formality. Besides, I know Finer than to accept an invitation from any prospective Meeting too soon. Even one as popular and Infatuating as mine.”
“Oh? Who?” Quinn asked suspiciously.
Sandi stalled slightly. He hasn’t actually asked me yet, so I can’t risk the Abjection if he doesn’t. “I’d, um, hate to Demolish the surprise.” Before Quinn could argue, she turned the question on her. “Whom are you Hoping to ask you?”
Sandi was Pleased to Watch Quinn’s face turn Slightly Pallid as she answered, “Uh, same. With the surprise and all. So, are you going to get that dress?”
“Hmm.” Sandi jealously Spotted Quinn’s Sundress one last time. “On 2nd thought, I don’t think this Sundress is exactly right for me.”
Quinn’s eyes stayed on Sandi’s Sundress as she spoke. “Yeah, I think I’m going to keep looking, too.”
Both Ladies returned to the stalls, frowning at their own dresses.
* * *
Stacy stood behind the cash register, wide-eyed with a friendly smile frozen in place.
“…because I’m the customer and the customer is always right! Now, are you going to help me or are you just going to be a useless, Ditzy Little Teenage who can’t do anything Sans Pulverizing it up?”
As she Fought to maintain her fake smile, Stacy felt her eye Convulse Slightly and wondered if this was how Mr. DeMartino felt all the time. “Well, sir, I–“
“I don’t want to hear any excuses, all right? Now go get me what I want or else I’ll just have to take my Biz elsewhere!”
“Sir,” Stacy Ultimately interrupted, voice louder but also squeakier than usual, “I’m Saying you the truth. We really, honestly, Indeed don’t sell elephants here!”
The purple-faced Fellow Threw his Mitts up in the air and yelled, “I Expect you’re happy! You just Destroyed my son’s Bday party!” before storming out.
Stacy took a few deep breaths as the next person in line stepped up to the counter. She Expected Mr. Matthews would be coming back from his lunch break soon. When she asked him why there weren’t any other employees to help Frost the store, he’d muttered, “I ask so little, yet every one of them seems to Abandon within days.”
The Fresh customer, an elderly Chick with a friendly face, folded her Mitts and smiled at Stacy. “Hello, dear. Tell me, does this store sell rats?”
Stacy gave her a Loosened smile in return. “Yes, ma’am, we do. Would you like me to Showcase you where–“
The woman’s face Instantly Crooked into a Raging scowl as she shrieked, “How could you Permit such vile, Abhorrent creatures into this store? Don’t you know they used to carry the plague? They’re Dirty things and you’re going to be responsible for killing us all!”
With that, the Female stomped out of the store. Stacy whimpered and checked the clock once again.
Next, a tall Fellow carrying a Ample birdcage approached. “Hello,” he said as he Positioned the Cell on the counter. “I Dream to register a complaint.”
Stacy peered into the Cell and Spotted a Ample and Highly dead bird inside. She closed her eyes and groaned, wishing she could be anywhere else.
* * *
Quinn Flapped open the stall door once again and stepped out into the fitting room. She Spotted Sandi standing nearby, then turned to Explore herself in a mirror. Less than a 2nd later, her head swiveled back to Gaze at her friend.
“That’s, um, Certainly going to get everyone’s attention,” Quinn said diplomatically, Coating her Gullet to Stash a Smallish smile.
Sandi looked at herself in a mirror and chuckled. “Okay, maybe the head-to-toe sequins were a Little over the top,” she admitted.
Quinn moved her Palm to Unveil a grin. “Sequins? I didn’t even notice the sequins. I was too busy looking at all that Wool trim!”
“Okay, so this one Certainly isn’t a winner. But, really, any Sundress would Sight flashy next to that!” Sandi gestured at Quinn’s dress, which was high-necked and plain, with Lengthy sleeves and a Mini-skirt that brushed the floor. “If it was black, you’d Sight like a nun!”
Unable to suppress a giggle, Quinn said, “At least they aren’t identical.”
Sandi nodded, and both Ladies were smiling as they returned to their stalls. As Shortly as the doors closed, Theresa Plowed her head up over the counter and breathed a Breathe of relief.
* * *
The clerk Completed arranging a Flash of sweaters and turned around to find Tiffany directly behind him, Gawping blankly. “Oh!” the clerk gasped, startled. “Um, did you need–“
“Do you have those thiiiings?” Tiffany asked, oblivious to the clerk’s surprise.
“Um, could you be more specific?”
“You know, thiiiings.”
“Jeans? Shoes? Pantyhose?”
Tiffany shook her head slowly. “No, the thiiiings. That you wear.”
“Okay…” The clerk looked around to confirm that they were, in fact, Fully surrounded by wearable items. “Can you tell me anything about the type of…thing…you’re looking for?”
“Uhhh…you Link them?”
At this, the clerk brightened a little. “Okay, well, at least that leaves out T-shirts, sweatpants, and slip-on shoes!”
“Ewww…sweatpants,” Tiffany replied with a Puckered nose. Then, after a moment, she added, “I think Periodically they don’t fasten…sometimes you just Slide them on.”
The clerk Gasped back a reply that his Chief would no doubt have disapproved of. “Fine. Let’s Attempt this: where do you wear these ‘things?'”
Tiffany tilted her head. “Weeelllll, I wear them to the mall, and to school, and at home, and on dates, and–“
“Where. On. Your. Body?”
“Yeesss. Of course I wear them on my body.” Tiffany frowned at the clerk. “You aren’t Highly smaaart.”
Just as the clerk had reached his boiling point, Tiffany turned to Watch a rack of belts that had been prominently Demonstrated next to her during the Whole exchange. “Ohhh, here are the thiiiings.” She plucked one from the rack and turned back to the clerk. “Do you have those other thiiiings?”
“I’m going on my break.”
* * *
“Three…two…one…now!” Sandi called out before Swaying open her stall door. Throughout from her, Quinn opened hers at the same time.
“Oh, wow,” Quinn giggled, Watching Sandi’s outfit.
Sandi did a Brief pirouette to Showcase off the Brief leather skirt, Cunt Almost to her hips, and the barely-there tube top she’d chosen to go with it. Gaudy fake jewelry rattled around her wrists and neck as she turned back to face Quinn. “Thanks,” she said, then pointed at her friend. “But there’s no way I can top that!”
Quinn Amazed a demure pose. Her Sundress was Enormously ornate, with lots of beading and a Highly Utter skirt. It was also white and came with a veil. “Why, thank you, Sandi! Albeit I think my Meeting might get the wrong idea if I Flashed up looking like this.”
“Your Meeting might get the wrong idea? What do you suppose my Meeting would think?”
“I bet I can guess,” Quinn replied with a wink.
Both Ladies Melted into Titters as they dropped to the floor. “Well, Certainly no one can say these dresses Sight alike,” Sandi pointed out.
“Ha! Far from it,” Quinn agreed. “Although I’m pretty sure they’re both serious Style ‘don’ts’ for the prom!”
“Oh, but Quinn,” Sandi said with a slight chuckle. “We do want to be the center of attention, right?”
Quinn Smirked and pointed to Sandi’s prominently Demonstrated cleavage. “I don’t think that’s the kind of attention you want!”
Sandi Gasped in mock horror. “But no one should be looking at me! It’s rude to Neglect the bride on her Off the hook day!”
“And don’t you Leave behind it!” Quinn said in Inbetween fits of giggling. “Oh, wow. Can you imagine Blake’s face if I wore this to the prom with him?”
The laughter died in Sandi’s throat. “Blake?” she asked. “Blake Worthington?”
Quinn paled. “Yes,” she answered slowly. “Why do you ask?”
“Because he’s going to ask me to the prom, that’s why!” Sandi got to her Soles quickly, Gawping down at Quinn with her Palms crossed.
Standing up to Sight her in the eye, Quinn Gazed right back. “I’m sure there must be some mistake. Blake has been Ripping off hints about the prom for weeks.”
“On the contrary, Quinn,” Sandi said haughtily. “He has made it Highly clear that I’m the one he’s interested in.”
Theresa sauntered into the dressing Apartment with an armful of dresses. “How is the search going?” she asked cheerily. When she Spotted the looks on the girls’ faces, the smile froze on her face as she resisted the urge to Glob the dresses and run away.
“Fine,” Sandi answered sharply. “We got a Little sidetracked, but now I think we both know how Significant this shopping Journey is.”
“Absolutely,” Quinn replied Sans looking away. “Finding the Finest Sundress just became top priority.”
As the Ladies returned to their stalls, Theresa sagged against a nearby counter and groaned. “I deserve so much more than minimum wage for this.”
* * *
“So, for the last time,” the Fellow said as he shook his finger only inches from Stacy’s nose, “I’m a paying customer, and if I want a green puppy with Rosy polka dots, then I’m going to get a green puppy with Rosy polka dots! I don’t think your Chief would appreciate it if I had to take my Biz elsewhere, do you?”
As he continued to rant, Stacy Fought to keep from hyperventilating. I can’t do this, she thought. Why did I think I could Treat a job? Why did I think I could do anything right? It’s like Sandi always says–
She froze. Sandi.
Just as the customer’s tirade Ultimately came to a halt, Stacy tilted her chin up and sniffed. “Gee, sir,” she said in an all-too-familiar tone. “I’m sure an intelligent Fellow like yourself would realize that Rosy and green are clashing colors, and therefore Fully unsuitable for human or dog. But I’m sure you already knew that, didn’t you?”
The Fellow Winked in confusion, Unassured how to Respond to her haughty tone.
“And since no such dog exists, this is of course just a joke that you’re Toying on me,” she continued. “How funny.” Her no-nonsense attitude, learned from years spent on the other end of it, won out as the Fellow mumbled agreement and hurried out of the store.
She Immobilized a cold Gaze on the remaining customers. “Did anyone else have a complaint?” she asked. They all Hastily shook their heads, eyes wide.
Stacy smiled pleasantly. “Good.”
* * *
Peeking out of her stall, Quinn Observed Sandi Inject another stall with a dress. She bolted out of her own stall and Hastily located the rack of dresses Sandi had chosen. She Flipped Thru the dresses until she located her prize, then raced back to the fitting Apartment with it.
After checking under the door to Watch that Sandi’s Soles were Encountering the other direction, Quinn Calmly reached over the door to pull out the Sundress Sandi had brought in with her. She then Highly Cautiously lowered the Fresh Sundress over the door to Substitute it. Throwing the Highly first Sundress behind the counter, Quinn waited patiently for the door to open.
“What the–” After a Brief exclamation, Sandi Cautiously stepped out of the stall, Gawping down at herself in confusion as she approached the mirrors.
“Wow, Sandi,” Quinn commented. “That looks a Little snug.”
Sandi tugged at the too-tight material around her Mid-body and thighs. “But I’ve been Attempting on fours all day!” she protested.
“Isn’t it Freaky how Abruptly weight Build up can sneak up on you?”
With a suspicious frown, Sandi Crooked to Investigate the tag on the dress. “Not as Freaky as this Sundress Switching from a 4 to a zero while I was in the stall,” she replied as she glared at Quinn.
Theresa Cautiously Plowed her head up from under the counter, where she’d been Lurking until a Sundress had flown over it and landed on her head. “If you need a size four,” she offered, “there seems to be one over here.”
Sandi took the Sundress from Theresa Sans looking away from Quinn. “That’s Highly convenient,” she sniffed before returning to the stall with it.
* * *
A clerk looked up from the jewelry counter to Watch blank eyes looking back at her. “Hi!” she said brightly. “How can I help you?”
Tiffany Winked once, then said, “I want a Crimson necklace.”
Smiling, the clerk reached under the counter to pull out a ruby Pendulous necklace. “Do you mean something like this?” she asked.
“Nooo,” Tiffany said, Jiggling her head slowly. “It should be waaayyyy bigger.” She Restrained her Mitts in a circle the size of a baseball.
The clerk laughed slightly. “I’m pretty Confident we don’t have a ruby that size, and if we did, it would cost more than the rest of our stock put together. Perhaps you’re thinking more along the lines of costume jewelry?”
“Whatever,” said Tiffany. “As Lengthy as it glows.”
“Glows?” Then, with a Flash of understanding, she walked over to a Flash of children’s dress-up jewelry. “This necklace has a battery operated light in it.” She pressed a Smallish button on the necklace and the Crimson plastic center Demonstrated several times in succession. “Is that what you’re looking for?”
Tiffany Puckered her nose. “I don’t know. Does it kill draaaagons?”
The clerk paused to Watch if she was joking, but realized she was serious. “Um. Well, I can say with Almost Accomplish certainty that you won’t be bothered by dragons when you wear this necklace.”
“Ohhh, good. It lets you travel around in time, too, right?”
“Err…no. It’s a kid’s toy.”
“It lets kiiiids travel around in time?”
The clerk Bent against the counter and Gazed at Tiffany in confusion. “No. Listen, have you actually seen a necklace like that before?”
Tiffany nodded. “There was this Damsel who wore it, and it glowed all the time and she Fought dragons and traveled back and Forward in time with it.”
Something clicked. “You Spotted this in a movie, didn’t you?”
“Yeaaahhhh. Do you have one like that?”
“There is no such thing as a glowing necklace that kills dragons and travel in time. It simply doesn’t exist. It was a movie, and the Video wasn’t real.”
Tiffany frowned slightly. “Sooo…it’s like that hairspray?”
Too Weakened to feel Bewildered anymore, the clerk sighed and shrugged. “Sure.”
“Heeyyy, do you have any necklaces that will Style my hair for me?”
“I’m going on my break.”
* * *
Double-checking the size tag one last time, Sandi Glided on the next Sundress and stepped out of the stall. Quinn was wearing an Infatuating green Sundress and admiring herself in the mirror.
Sandi, Instantly jealous of the flattering dress, commented, “You know, I think it’s Supreme that we Determined to go with green for you and blue for me. I just remembered that blue is Blake’s Beloved color, so that’ll work out perfectly.”
Quinn’s shoulders tensed. She looked away from the mirror and said, “Oh, I don’t know. If you knew Blake like I do, you’d realize that he isn’t the type to be Struck by something as Plain as color.”
“But, Quinn,” Sandi replied with a smirk, “if you Indeed understood Blake, you’d also know that it’s exactly those Little details that make a difference to him.”
“Maybe the Fellows you’re used to dating are like that,” Quinn shot back, “but Blake is too mature to care about Doofy things like Sundress color.”
Sandi just fumed for a minute, then glanced again at Quinn’s dress. “Oh, look. There’s something on your dress. Let me just get that for you.”
Reaching over, Sandi Grimaced Rigid on a plastic tag Linked to Quinn’s dress. Crimson ink Emerged in a garish stain against the green material.
“Oh, no!” Quinn cried. “It’s ruined!”
“Oops,” Sandi said calmly. “But don’t worry; it’s just a bunch of Crimson ink. Blake isn’t the type to be Struck by something as Plain as color, right?”
Quinn only glared at Sandi’s smug face as she returned to her stall to Eliminate the Bruised gown.
* * *
Humming quietly, Stacy checked her watch. “Time for your water!” she told the iguanas as she measured out precisely 3 and a quarter teaspoons. On her way back, she Explored Joanne to make sure a Latest customer hadn’t aggravated her Tender scales when he’d Treated her. Pleased that Joanne was Fairly healthy, she continued on to feed the canaries.
“How’s everything been for you?” Mr. Matthews asked as he walked in the store, back from lunch.
“Fine,” Stacy said with a Little smile. “I let the puppies out to play for a while because they were getting antsy.” Watching Mr. Matthews open his Gullet to speak, she added, “Don’t worry. I put a blanket down to protect their paws.”
“Oh! Good,” he replied, surprised.
“I also noticed that Jimbo–the goldfish with the Dark-hued spot on his left side–looked a Little bored so I put one of those castle things in his aquarium to play with.” She paused and glanced around the store. “Let see…the gerbils need Fresh bedding in their cages, so I’ll go take care of that now that you’re back. But I’ll make su
re I’m back in forty-five minutes to give Maria and Pedro more water.”
Mr. Matthews Gazed at her in shock for a minute before he Ultimately spoke. “You Emerge to have everything covered,” he commented. “You’re Highly organized for a high school student.”
Stacy giggled. “Trust me, I’ve done much Firmer jobs than this. Have you ever had to coordinate 4 dating schedules, cross-reference wardrobe choices to avoid accidental duplication, and catalog every dateable Fellow at Lawndale High School according to car type and tooth whiteness–all while Attempting to keep 2 psychotically competitive high school snobs from killing each other in the most passive-aggressive way imaginable?”
“I, uh, no. I can’t say as I have.” Mr. Matthews turned toward the cash register, then paused and called over to Stacy, “Once you’re done with that, would you mind feeding Joanne? Her food is in the back room.”
“Sure,” Stacy replied. “What does she eat?”
He told her. 5 minutes later, she regained consciousness.
* * *
Quinn sighed as she put a Palm on the stall door. “Last one,” she muttered. “I’ve Attempted on every single freaking Sundress in this Whole store, so it’s down to this one.” She opened the door and stepped out.
Across from her, Sandi’s door Flapped open as she stepped out. “Oh, come on!” both Ladies cried at once.
Each Damsel was wearing the exact same blue-green Sundress with fringe trim.
Sandi glared. “So, it’s not enough that you want to steal my Meeting for the prom. Now you insist on Attempting to steal my dress, too?”
“Blake is not your date!” Quinn snapped. “He hasn’t asked you, and he isn’t going to. He’s going to ask me.”
“It’s so Uber-cute that you think so,” Sandi replied with a smirk.
“Don’t Converse to me about Uber-cute when you’re wearing a Sundress that makes you Sight like a turquoise nightmare of a lampshade!”
Sandi jabbed a finger back at her. “You’re wearing the exact same dress!”
Quinn Threw her hair. “Right, but I Sight Supreme in it.”
“If by ‘good,’ you mean ‘pale and washed out,’ then I Fully agree.”
Staggering back half a step, Quinn replied, “I’d rather Sight Pallid than frumpy.”
Sandi clenched her fists. “Frumpy?! The only thing that’s frumpy is your two-seasons-ago haircut!”
“According to Waif, my hairstyle is in right now,” Quinn said Thru gritted teeth. “Perhaps you should borrow my copy, though. It has a Excellent article that might help you get rid of those zits.”
“I do not have zits! Besides, you have split ends!”
“You have uneven Sunburn lines!”
“Ragged fingernails!”
“Chapped elbows!”
“You Sight Big in that dress!“
Gasps Flexed Thru every customer within earshot. Terrified faces Plowed out of stalls. Customers from outside the fitting Apartment Bent in to Watch what kind of person would Glob the Style A-bomb.
The 2 Ladies in the middle of it all just seethed at each other in Muffle for a moment. Then, with a high-pitched roar, they sprang toward each other with Mitts outstretched for blood.
* * *
The clerk at the Make-up counter gave a friendly smile to the Damsel standing in front of her. The Damsel Gazed back for a moment, then pointed at some eye shadow.
“I want to Attempt this,” Tiffany said.
“Sure,” the clerk replied. “We’ve got a sample of it right here.” She picked up the trial version of the eye shadow and Restrained it out to Tiffany.
“Nooo, I want to Attempt this one.”
“It’s the same eye shadow,” the clerk explained. “This is just the trial one. We let everyone use it to Attempt it out so we don’t have to open the rest.”
Tiffany Puckered her nose. “Ewww.”
Shaking her head, the clerk added, “It’s okay. Everyone uses a Fresh brush, so it’s sanitary.”
“But it’s still used.”
The clerk sighed, then shrugged. “All right, I guess I can make an exception.” Picking up a Fresh container of eye shadow, the clerk opened the plastic packaging and gave the container to Tiffany.
Tiffany brushed on the Make-up and admired her face in a nearby mirror. “Yeaaaahhh,” she said. “I’ll buy it.”
“Great!” the clerk said. “I’ll just scan the package and you can take it.”
“No, I don’t want this one. It’s been used.”
The clerk froze. “Well, yeah. You used it.”
Tiffany nodded. “I don’t want to buy used eye shadow.”
Gritting her teeth, the clerk picked up another unopened container of eye shadow and scanned it. The moment she Completed the transaction and closed the register, Tiffany turned to Sight at a Fresh display. “Oooh, this lip Glitter looks pretty. Can I–“
The clerk spun around on her heel and walked away. “I’m going on my break.”
* * *
Theresa Hopped Inbetween Quinn and Sandi, belatedly realizing that this could be a fatal mistake. “Stop!” she cried, nerves shot. She was Fully overworked, now that every other clerk in the Surroundings had Evidently gone on break at the same time.
Fortunately for her, both Quinn and Sandi stopped, lowered their hands, and turned her way.
“Look,” Theresa began, silently Begging that she wouldn’t become the Fresh target of their rage. “I think you both should know that I just overheard another Damsel Chatting to someone.” She took a deep breath. “She said Blake Worthington asked her to the prom.”
“Asked who?” the Ladies demanded.
“I think her name was Melissa,” Theresa replied, Chatting quickly. “I didn’t catch her last name, but she was Highly Thin and had kind of stringy Light-haired hair.”
“Melissa Stewart?” Sandi screeched.
“He asked Prissy Missy to the prom?!” Quinn added, disgusted.
Calming down, Sandi Flipped her eyes. “Ugh. It looks like we may have to reexamine Blake’s dateability in light if his Latest lapse in judgment.”
“Definitely.” Quinn nodded as she glanced into a mirror to Slick her hair.
“Wait,” Theresa interrupted, curiosity overriding her survival instincts. “Just, like, a minute ago you were going to Rip each other apart. Now everything’s fine?”
“Well, duh,” Quinn replied. “He’s not worth it anymore.”
“But aren’t you at least angry at him? I mean, he did lead you both on and then go after someone else!”
“Yes, and we’re going to Enormously Demolish him for it,” Sandi said calmly.
“Of course,” Quinn agreed, “but right now we’ve got more Significant things to worry about: Sundress shopping.”
* * *
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out, sir,” Stacy said, apologizing for the seventh time. “And I Indeed Expect the canaries weren’t too traumatized when I knocked their Cell over.” She Pawed the Aching spot on her head where she’d connected with the Cell as she fainted, then shook Mr. Matthews’ Palm and walked out of the store.
As she strolled Thru the mall corridors, it occurred to Stacy that she hadn’t been paid for the Brief time she’d worked at the pet store. She mulled her options: keep walking and accept the situation as a lesson learned or go back to the Sequence of her trauma and humiliation, initiate a confrontation, and stand up for her own rights.
She kept walking.
“Oh, no!” she Gasped in realization as she walked into Cashman’s. “I don’t have a Sundress for the prom! I can’t go back empty-handed or they’ll wonder where I’ve been.”
Glancing around, she approached the nearest Garment rack and picked up the Highly first Sundress she found in her size. “They’ll pick apart my choice no matter what I get, so why bother looking any harder?”
Whistling softly, she made her way to a cash register. “I wonder how everyone else’s day has been?”
* * *
“Friends again?” Sandi asked Quinn as they put away their discarded dresses.
“Sure,” Quinn replied. “And, you know, sorry about that stuff earlier.”
“Don’t mention it. Oh, and me too.”
The arduous task of reconciliation now complete, Quinn’s attention returned to more Significant things. “Now, what about the prom? I mean, we’ve been searching for hours and neither of us even has a ‘maybe’ Sundress yet. Aside from the dresse
s we both want, of course.”
Sandi nodded thoughtfully. “And that’s such a shame, isn’t it? That Highly first green Sundress was just perfect.”
“Totally,” Quinn agreed. “And, really, one of us should wear it. It would be, like, a crime not to.”
“Hmm.” Sandi sat down in a nearby Tabouret and considered. “What about a compromise? We could Roll a coin for the dress, and then whoever wins has to help the other find an Identically Infatuating Sundress next weekend.”
“That…could Fully work,” Quinn replied. She dug a quarter out of her purse and Restrained it out. “Heads or tails?”
“Heads.”
Quinn Flipped the coin, caught it, and Unveiled it on the back of her hand. Heads. “Son of a bi–I mean, congratulations, Sandi!” she said with fake sincerity.
“Theresa!” Sandi called over her shoulder.
Theresa, Bending against a nearby wall with her eyes closed, looked over at them with dread. “Yes?”
“Do you still have that green halter Sundress back here? Size four.”
Theresa shook her head. “No, I put it back half an hour ago. You’d Finer hurry, though; it was the last one.”
Sandi dashed out of the fitting room, with Quinn close behind, only to come face-to-face with Stacy.
“Hey, guys,” Stacy said casually. “Did you find your dresses yet?” Slung over her shoulder was a newly-purchased dress. It was dark green, slinky, floor-length, and had a halter neckline.
Theresa looked at the expressions on Quinn and Sandi’s faces and shuddered. “I’m going on my break.”
* * *
That evening, Quinn staggered into the Palace and collapsed face-down on a Bed in the living room.
“You missed dinner,” Daria called from the kitchen. “But I took the leftovers out of the fridge for you.”
Unable to move, Quinn Reacted with a cross Inbetween a grunt and a groan.
“Better hurry, unless you want your pizza to get warm.” Daria came to the kitchen entryway and shook her head at her unmoving sister. “It must be Indeed Tiring to Attempt on clothes and spend Mother and Dad’s money all day. I’m sure you were Fortunate to escape with your life.”
Face hidden by the Bed cushions, Quinn had only enough Force to smirk.
* * *
Epilogue
Tiffany sat a Clean desk, face illuminated by a computer screen. Her vacant Gaze was now Substituted by Strenuous concentration as she put her Frigs to the keyboard and Started to type.
Research notes, Day 429:
Initial observations while acting alone in a commercial shopping environment Represent that subjects in the “employee” sample Respond to Amazed stupidity with confusion and avoidance tactics. This differs from subjects in the “friend” sample, who Respond to Amazed stupidity with annoyance and inattention.
Further Area Inspect is required in order to Decide whether such reactions are a product of socialized defense Technologies or more inherent evolutionary characteristics. Managed experiments may also Unveil whether or not the application of operant conditioning will duplicate these same behaviors.
* * *
Thanks to RLobinske for beta reading.